Take A Guess...

A few days ago, I celebrated my 2....something birthday. Was excited I was starting a new year at the end of the "actual" year. Fun times is the description I can give you guys of what I have undergone the past few years. I later sat down this week and took a different angle for this article....

F

or those around me, I'm considered to be a HAPPY character. I seem to be a source of positive energy to some people while others tend to get the HORMONAL HURRICANE side when they tamper with the wrong wires and temper with my anger. Over the years, I have come to realize, despite the fact that I dish out the truth when necessary, I HATE been on the receiving end. It drains me because just as most humans react, we don't like been on the wrong but such is life. Gatta swallow the bitter pill once in awhile.
At times I question myself what I lack and just today morning I realized, I am been unjust to myself as my HUNGER for my own success isn't on the level that it should be on. I always challenge myself to be better than I was the previous day, but today I had a rude awakening that made me realize, I have to get the old me back.
Looking back over the years, I was a HEARTBREAKER... little did I remember of how karma can come back and bite me and I would be the one with a broken heart. Some people are embarrassed to say this out in public, but I no longer have shame when I say at some point in my life I not only had HAZARDOUS friends but I was a Hazard to myself. I was in the darkest zone in my life that now I sit and question myself; "why the hell was I letting someone have the better part of me?" Listening to Marvin's Room....story for another day...

A

NGEL is a nickname I got  exactly 10 years ago. At first I used to hate it but it actually grew onto me during the years and I have my first boyfriend to thank him for the name...Over the years I have always been an 'ADVENTITIOUS and AFFABLE soul' is what some say I am.
AGELESS is something I don't have to say but it shows with my physique (just saying).My thought process is what confuses people at times because they tend to ask how old I am due to my face and thinking process differ completely from one another. My Twinnie always says I am AMBIVALENT when it comes to impulsive decision making. But shockingly what amazes me about what people comment about me is, I come off as an ADVISOR when need arises.

T

he IRONIC part that I love about my life, is the levels of expectations that I blow out of the water once I get my mind hooked onto achieving something. I do have my low moments when "super gal" is nowhere to be seen and I just want to zone-out into my own "Keke Land". I tend to be believe I am a different being; UNIQUE is the word. Not too much though. Other than been told I resemble other people (which I find totally AWKWARD), I tend to leave a mark in people's life...97% is a good mark. Get on my wrong side to join the 3% wagon. Looking back, at some point in my rebellious teen life, I was clustered to be rowdy and yet I was never RECALCITRANT whatsoever.

Z

ANY is just but one of the words I can truly describe myself with...hands down. I do have my ZESTY moments here and there but they are toned down at times; ( and not the sour aspect :-) )
If I was to die today, I would so like to be a Tiger in the ZOIC world. They are powerful, the true kings of the jungle (YES lions are nothing in this comparison) and sooooo adorable when they are cubs. It's totally random but I would do anything to see a real tiger and maybe even pet it. I have a fetish for Pandas and Koalas. Those fuzzy things drive me mad. Too adorable.

I

 am not a perfectionist; neither am I a KLUTZY person but I do have those moments and they come with a huge BANG!!! I hate the factor that some people have the notion that I am KINKY due to the presence of a piercing I have. It's amazing how some Kenyans are soooo shallow and narrow thinkers. Just because someone has certain adornments doesn't mean that they got them just like every other person. All my adornments have symbolic meanings to me. (Just for the record).
I tend to be super KIND at times that people take advantage of me and in return I end up been a silent vicious though meek innocent KILLER. At times it is toxic for my friendship relations but I believe once in a while one goes to a darker area to learn their strongest and weakest points.

V

enturing into ENTREPRENEURSHIP is one of my goals for this year. I have decided to use my talent to not only generate income but also to give back to society. I am super excited about my adoption. Can't wait to be a mommy. Some people have told me so far I am crazy but what's crazy about taking care of something that is so helpless? Can't wait to meet my baby ELEPHANT in the next few weeks time. They always take my breath away and to think that in the next 10 years they could go extinct and I can help stop that, I'd definitely have a helping hand to help save them.

That's just a little piece about me. For those who are keen, you can pick out my real names and age from this article and other hidden attributes that are not necessarily written in the article. I hope you enjoyed getting to know just a little about the AUTHOR.

What's The True Definition Of Professional Success?

We all have the potential to be at our MAXIMUM best.
We always complain that the money we earn, isn't enough.
We complain that the jobs  we are in aren't what fulfilling.
So why do you bother to wake up in the morning to go to work?

Most will give the EXCUSE that they are in the position they are in due to:
The economy;
Providing basic needs;
Or better yet, they don't have a choice.

There're  some people I look at on a daily basis and wonder;
"What did you really envision about YOUR FUTURE?"
I've watched people go through pay cuts.
I've watched people demote themselves.
I've watched people shrivel up in their seats due to lack of challenge and growth
And I end up asking myself:
"Why the hell do they even bother waking up in the morning?"

Dark clouds loom over them that you get depressed on their behalf.
To others, they may see them as a WASTE of time, resources and space.
That's why when the company undergoes retrenchment or firing process,
It's no shocker they are the first ones to see the door.
And just like humans natural default;
They talk bad about their former employers
Or better yet their jobs.

When will people ever wake up to reality and FACE it?
Take the risk of walking out of their hell hole in order to satisfy their professional purpose?
I am still green in this corporate world but I have learnt a lot from it.
I have watched people be politically played.
I have watched people breakdown because they hate their jobs.
And I sit and wonder to myself:
"Why?"

I too have fallen victim to this.
I used to love my job until some factor was placed into my space.
I could wake up in the morning and refuse to show up at work;
I could be present physically but not mentally engaged.
I could hurl in my mouth each time i looked at my created problem.
I imagined sooo many things at the back of my mind...
But what VALUE did it add into my life?
NOTHING!!!

I had to have my own self realization.
I didn't hate my job;
I hated the factor that was placed into my space.
I hated the imbalance that was caused.
But it was an eye opener.
I didn't want to be the person who I was becoming.
Neither did I want to be like the factor that was placed into my space;
DESPERATE.

I realized my passion was slowly been hindered by my growing hatred towards something that didn't even ADD value into my life.
I let the minor attribute of annoyance get to the best of me.
What a waste of time and energy it was.
SWOP OF ATTITUDE CHECKED IN.

I started doing what I love.
I focused on my strengths rather than letting my anger be my focal point.
I didn't notice the changes myself till those surrounding me started pin pointing my oozing POSITIVITY.

We all have the ability to build and destroy ourselves.
 No one gives a rat's ass about you when you hit rock bottom,
But they focus on your recovery.
We all know the potential we have to get to our best.
So what's holding you back from getting there?

The most general mistake I have seen most people do is measure their success by MATERIALISM.
Who said to be successful means having a 6 figure balance at the end of the month in your account?
Or by the type of car you drive?
House you live in?
True SUCCESS comes from SELF FULFILLMENT.
How many of you can attest to that?
Take it upon yourself as a challenge to measure your own SUCCESS.
Is it driven by your PASSION or by MATERIALISM CRAVE?

Hmmmmm?

THANK YOU

We at times take for granted some of the things we have in life;
We forget of the simple things we are blessed with in life;
At times to the extent of taking advantage of them or not appreciating at all.

This life is too short to take for granted;
This note is a thank you note;
This goes to all the people who I've  have met in my journey of life;
Those who have added value;
Those who wasted my time and made me wiser;
Those who never believed and now are left amazed;
And of course those closest to me.

I am thankful to my CREATOR;
He is the one who has enabled me to get to where I am right now;
Given me the opportunity to create my own life story;
Make a difference in other people's lives
And ability to see another day;
With all my senses and physical ability intact;
And not lacking in anyway.

I am thankful for my MOTHER;
She has been my rock;
She has been my comforter;
She has been my provider;
She has been my worst enemy yet a best friend;
She has been my adviser and manager;
She has been my ALL.
She's seen me at my best and worst;
And still told me to hold my head high and everything will work out despite me seeing things crashing in front of my face.

I am thankful for my FAMILY;
We may not see eye to eye but at the end of it all;
FAMILY IS FAMILY.
Can't change them.
I am most thankful for the doubt that they have instilled in me my whole life;
That's what I believe has made me as strong as I am right now.

I am thankful for all my SISTERS n BROTHERS;
Always a phone call away;
Always a chat away;
Always a drive away;
We may be on and off;
Not kept tabs (my apologies);
But I always have you in my heart.
We may fight and go on for months with no communication;
But once I call you sibling; that's something that will NEVER change;

I am thankful for all the TRUE FRIENDS in my life;
Not the acquaintances I have met;
Not the two timing snakes;
But the ride or die people I've come across.;
We may have not started off on the right note;
But our friendship is worth the growth.

I am thankful for all the TIME WASTERS I have met;
You too have to be appreciated;
You have made me wiser;
You have made me smarter;
And you have made me more keen to look out for idiots like yourself.

I am thankful for my PAST RELATIONSHIPS;
I have been hurt many times;
I have cried many times;
I have seen sides of me that I never imagined existed.
I have become stronger;
I have become more cautious;
I have become a different person in comparison to when we first met.

I am thankful for my MENTORS;
I hate the truth;
But you feed it to me;
I hate reality at times;
But you're there to always keep me afloat;
And realize the reality of the matter.

I am especially thankful to my CONFIDANT;
I am thankful for the time you create to hear me out;
I am thankful for the ability to stand my madness;
I am thankful for you accepting me for who I am;
I am thankful for the tolerance and patience you have with me;
You are my drug of sanity;
My backbone;
My adviser;
My partner in crime;
And my reflection/ reality mirror.

For those who will get a chance to read this;
You do know where you stand in my life;
And I am thankful I met you;
I am thankful our paths crossed;
I am thankful you touched my life;
Apologies to those I may have wronged or offended;
But thanks for the lessons;
I'm thankful you made it possible for me to paint the colors on my canvas of life.
I may not get to tell you this in person;
But I am THANKFUL.

XXIVVVIIIIX

A

stonished by your words,
I look at you in disbelief and head towards the door;
Memories running haphazardly through my mind,
Tears gashing down my cheeks.
How could you say that?
To my face?
After all that we have been through?
As the doors to the elevator close, i look at you for the last time and turn away.
My dignity doesn't allow our eyes to lock contact.
As the driver joins the highway, i turn back and look at the light to your penthouse...
Memoirs...

B

ack tracking...
Your first words,
Most corniest word placement i have heard,
But you managed to make me smile.
We had an intriguing conversation that lead to our lips locking into a random kiss.
I pulled back but your eyes mesmerized me.
You pulled in for another kiss and this time i didn't stop you.
I wanted more.
We exchanged numbers,
And you disappeared into the crowd.
You left a desire that i didn't want but couldn't get rid of.

C

ommunication was amazing.
You were the best friend a girl needed at that time.
Someone who listened,
Someone who cared,
You made time in your busy schedule for me.
The first time i let you close to me,
You taught me all the colors on the rainbow
And their true meanings.
You became my teacher.

D

ay in, day out I controlled my emotions for you,
Till you opened up to me and showed your scars.
What we shared was deep and close,
Because I had similar scars.
The pain and urge of desiring to heal is what brought us closer.
We both were each others support systems.

E

veryday, we grew fonder of each other.
You'd call me and I'd get all bashful like a lil child,
Heart racing out of its cavity.
Seeing your smile always melted me away.

F

amily,
We spoke about starting our own family.
We even shared values that we had from our upbringing.
Your family was my family,
And my family was yours.
We imagined our perfected home,
And discussed how we'd raise our lil cherubs.

G

etting to see each other...
I would say was difficult due to our different schedules and hectic livelihoods,
That to some point,
We back too busy to make time for each other but we never realized it.
Though we always supported each others work.
"I'll always be your #1 fan no matter what people tell you or what happens"
I remember those words soo vividly.
We appreciated each others artistry.
We challenged each other to be better than what we already were.
We believed in each other.
We pushed each other to the limits...

Schreeeech....
'Sorry Ma'am. You know how silly drivers can be at this hour,' says the chauffeur.
'No. It's fine.' I keep staring out of the window and stare into the red light....

H

ELL BROKE LOOSE!!!
Emotions grew.
The L word became a reality.
We entered a grey phase,
We couldn't define what we were.
We fought over silly things,
You said I was the one,
Yet in public I was just another gal;
A cheerleader in your cheer wagon
But I stood out whenever you needed back up,
And made you realize,
I was your #1 girl.

I

 was there for you.
Whenever you needed to cry,
I was there to wipe your tears.
Whenever you wanted to vent,
I was your punching bag.
Whenever you achieved something,
I was the first you would share the news with and congratulate you.
When you were sick,
I'd be the one nursing your pains.

J

ust one problem,
We had communication problems!
Whenever we fought,
We wouldn't address the real issue.
We would push it to the side.
I tried to push you to talk to me,
But I guess I was to read in-between the lines.
I didn't see the signs.

K

eeping abreast with this,
Pushed you further away from me.
Pushed you to someone else
All the plans and dreams we had,
Secrets we shared,
Decisions we made together.
Vows we took...
Sacrifices we made...

L

uggage was pulled out by the driver,
I took my phone and looked at your number,
Delete.
All the pictures we took together,
Delete.
The door was opened and the driver stood by the side.
I walked out,
And the next words i heard were,
"You'll be fine Ms. Wherever you decide to go, you will have a better start."
And with that, I hugged him and walked to the terminal.

M

oney in hand,
I paid for my ticket out of the country.
I needed to be away,
Far far away from you.
The pain was too unbearable.
I couldn't stand seeing you with another person.
All I could think of was the lies.
The pain.
Confusion.

N

ot once did you ever tell me what upset you.
Yes!
Maybe I didn't listen carefully.
I didn't pay attention.
But still that was a foul play.
We had been through too much for sooo long

O

ff to the boarding gate,
And how I wished you would miraculously come running after me,
Then I remembered,
That only happens in movies.

P

assing all these people was shameful,
Running mascara,
Tear trails,
Running nose,
I was a mess.
I got to my seat and buckled up.
With my hands on my tummy,
Eyes fixated on the runway,
It was time for a new chapter.

Q

uick Sand.

That’s how we ended.

Just like quicksand,

I disappeared from your life.

Was a good run while it lasted though.

 Every single minute was magical and worth every fight.

R

eality sunk in,
As I watched the city lights below me slowly seem like fireflies the higher we went.
I plugged in my earphones,
Hoping to escape from the situation.
I turn on my ipod,
And the first track that plays;
Our favorite song.
I fast forward and one track catches my attention.
 RIDE OR DIE-Acehood ft Trey Songs
 What I promised you...
The first song I listened to...
Listened to when we lost our baby...

S

oul searching,
I did die...
I DIED IN YOUR EYES.