XXIVVVIIIIX

A

stonished by your words,
I look at you in disbelief and head towards the door;
Memories running haphazardly through my mind,
Tears gashing down my cheeks.
How could you say that?
To my face?
After all that we have been through?
As the doors to the elevator close, i look at you for the last time and turn away.
My dignity doesn't allow our eyes to lock contact.
As the driver joins the highway, i turn back and look at the light to your penthouse...
Memoirs...

B

ack tracking...
Your first words,
Most corniest word placement i have heard,
But you managed to make me smile.
We had an intriguing conversation that lead to our lips locking into a random kiss.
I pulled back but your eyes mesmerized me.
You pulled in for another kiss and this time i didn't stop you.
I wanted more.
We exchanged numbers,
And you disappeared into the crowd.
You left a desire that i didn't want but couldn't get rid of.

C

ommunication was amazing.
You were the best friend a girl needed at that time.
Someone who listened,
Someone who cared,
You made time in your busy schedule for me.
The first time i let you close to me,
You taught me all the colors on the rainbow
And their true meanings.
You became my teacher.

D

ay in, day out I controlled my emotions for you,
Till you opened up to me and showed your scars.
What we shared was deep and close,
Because I had similar scars.
The pain and urge of desiring to heal is what brought us closer.
We both were each others support systems.

E

veryday, we grew fonder of each other.
You'd call me and I'd get all bashful like a lil child,
Heart racing out of its cavity.
Seeing your smile always melted me away.

F

amily,
We spoke about starting our own family.
We even shared values that we had from our upbringing.
Your family was my family,
And my family was yours.
We imagined our perfected home,
And discussed how we'd raise our lil cherubs.

G

etting to see each other...
I would say was difficult due to our different schedules and hectic livelihoods,
That to some point,
We back too busy to make time for each other but we never realized it.
Though we always supported each others work.
"I'll always be your #1 fan no matter what people tell you or what happens"
I remember those words soo vividly.
We appreciated each others artistry.
We challenged each other to be better than what we already were.
We believed in each other.
We pushed each other to the limits...

Schreeeech....
'Sorry Ma'am. You know how silly drivers can be at this hour,' says the chauffeur.
'No. It's fine.' I keep staring out of the window and stare into the red light....

H

ELL BROKE LOOSE!!!
Emotions grew.
The L word became a reality.
We entered a grey phase,
We couldn't define what we were.
We fought over silly things,
You said I was the one,
Yet in public I was just another gal;
A cheerleader in your cheer wagon
But I stood out whenever you needed back up,
And made you realize,
I was your #1 girl.

I

 was there for you.
Whenever you needed to cry,
I was there to wipe your tears.
Whenever you wanted to vent,
I was your punching bag.
Whenever you achieved something,
I was the first you would share the news with and congratulate you.
When you were sick,
I'd be the one nursing your pains.

J

ust one problem,
We had communication problems!
Whenever we fought,
We wouldn't address the real issue.
We would push it to the side.
I tried to push you to talk to me,
But I guess I was to read in-between the lines.
I didn't see the signs.

K

eeping abreast with this,
Pushed you further away from me.
Pushed you to someone else
All the plans and dreams we had,
Secrets we shared,
Decisions we made together.
Vows we took...
Sacrifices we made...

L

uggage was pulled out by the driver,
I took my phone and looked at your number,
Delete.
All the pictures we took together,
Delete.
The door was opened and the driver stood by the side.
I walked out,
And the next words i heard were,
"You'll be fine Ms. Wherever you decide to go, you will have a better start."
And with that, I hugged him and walked to the terminal.

M

oney in hand,
I paid for my ticket out of the country.
I needed to be away,
Far far away from you.
The pain was too unbearable.
I couldn't stand seeing you with another person.
All I could think of was the lies.
The pain.
Confusion.

N

ot once did you ever tell me what upset you.
Yes!
Maybe I didn't listen carefully.
I didn't pay attention.
But still that was a foul play.
We had been through too much for sooo long

O

ff to the boarding gate,
And how I wished you would miraculously come running after me,
Then I remembered,
That only happens in movies.

P

assing all these people was shameful,
Running mascara,
Tear trails,
Running nose,
I was a mess.
I got to my seat and buckled up.
With my hands on my tummy,
Eyes fixated on the runway,
It was time for a new chapter.

Q

uick Sand.

That’s how we ended.

Just like quicksand,

I disappeared from your life.

Was a good run while it lasted though.

 Every single minute was magical and worth every fight.

R

eality sunk in,
As I watched the city lights below me slowly seem like fireflies the higher we went.
I plugged in my earphones,
Hoping to escape from the situation.
I turn on my ipod,
And the first track that plays;
Our favorite song.
I fast forward and one track catches my attention.
 RIDE OR DIE-Acehood ft Trey Songs
 What I promised you...
The first song I listened to...
Listened to when we lost our baby...

S

oul searching,
I did die...
I DIED IN YOUR EYES.