Currently,
I’m reading a book that is based on women’s lives in the Middle East. I am
super attracted to such stories…stories of struggles that we are unable to see
for ourselves. And it hit me…we are always talking about supporting the girl
child…what about the boy child?
We
are always up I arms when a man lays a hand on a woman, but we never get to ask
why? Of course it’s not right but what would lead to such an action? Over the
past few weeks, I’ve been ending up having conversations regarding both sexes
with various people and it gave me a different perspective of life and our
roles in society.
Disclaimer: Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
So ideally, when we go back
to the creation story, woman was created to be man’s companion; from his rib to
be exact. So question, why do we take advantage of each other? I will take a
few situations in this article to expose so things we either ignore or take for
granted.
HEAD OF THE HOUSE
As women, we always fight
to be treated equally; I also fight for the same. What we tend to forget is in
the house, you need to let go of the dominating reigns just alil bit. You could
be the most influential or powerful woman in your company or heck the president
of the country, but when you get home, you need to trade different hats.
A woman’s place in the house
is the care taker. All men have egos that love been pampered. When he comes
home, he would love having you serve him his food, ask how his day was and all
that. I’m not saying that you adore your man….HELL NO…but make him feel like a
king. I know doing this can be monotonous or a pain experience especially when
the guy may be acting like an ass. Ever questioned yourself why he acts? Don’t
you think you could be an influential trigger in such character change?
It’s well known, men love
a woman who takes care of his things, spoils him and makes him feel on top of
the world. So for instance, if you’re a nagging woman always complaining about
everything, from the fact that he no longer takes you out, comes home late or
comes home days later to him not helping around in the house or paying the
bills…
For starters, QUIT THE
NAGGING. The more you nag the more you push him away. Try another route of communicating
to him. If you have the help always fix his dinner and pick up after him, don’t
be surprised when he bangs her or comes days later. He is getting treated
better by someone else since you are too busy nagging the hell out of him.
I have super Ms.
Independence syndrome and all but ladies seriously you have no idea how a man
gets really turned on by a woman who knows her place and treats him well. When
at work, you are the one who calls the shots but back home, try and make his
home his palace. You’ll be shocked by the outcome.
Men, you aren’t getting off
easily. I know of men who are treated like kings by their wives/ girlfriends
but they still take advantage of it. It does hurt as a female when a man
disrespects me because he can and thinks is the more superior species. Nigga,
get your head on straight and remember the treatment you get is basically based
on how you treat me.
I’m not encouraging a back
to back payback scenario but trying to bring out the fact that we all have
emotions and we would like to be treated evenly. All we need to do is find a
balance. Men, please do understand, we
do have long days like you as well and others a bit longer especially women
with children. Take a second and think about
it, your wife wakes up, makes sure the lil ones are up and getting ready for
school, make breakfast, set out your clothes for you and starts getting ready.
After work, she has to make sure the children have showered, done their assignments;
dinner is ready on time and still make time to catch up with you before she
calls it a night. For those women who do that every single day, my hat is
tipped off to you. #SuperWomen. I know here I will get the argument of having
the helps doing some of the chores, which is fine but the woman of the home
takes charge. If you are reading this and you are a woman who doesn’t do this….start
checking your ways.
COMMUNICATION
For any relationship to
work you need to COMMUNICATE. (This also
includes with animals when I come to think of it; just saying). Whether you
like it or not. This is a vital component in ALL relationships.
Women, if you hate how
your man talks to you, tell him. Don’t fight back. AVOID (please not this is in bold and in red) AVOID AVOID assumptions. Men hate it
when we assume things and try to read their minds. You are no magician and you
cannot always get what his thinking right. If you hate it when he comes home
late, let him know. It doesn’t change anything when you raise your voice at him
even if he is on the wrong or try and play even. That makes the situation even
worse. Let him know that you need help with something or need him to run an
errand.
Men, now you understand
why when you have a super hangover from a night out with the boys the previous
night and she decides that’s the day you have to take her to your/ her relatives
or for shopping? Stop been an ignorant ass and get up and do whatever she wants
you to do without flinching. At the end of the day, who is to blame?
APPRECIATE & MAKE TIME
FOR EACH OTHER
When was the last time you
ever appreciated each other or even taken time to complement one another? Once
in awhile take time to appreciate each other. Compliment your man when he does
something small like an errand or chore. It may seem to you that he is supposed
to do it anyway but saying a simple thank you will not sting. Guys compliment
your lady. Her outfit for the day, meal she made for you….
Make you time. People who
are freshly dating tend to have date nights often and have a weekend hangouts
quite often. That doesn’t stop married couples from doing the same as well. Studies
have proven that making time for each other not only helps strengthening your
relationship but makes you grow fonder of each other. Take time to do what your
partner loves doing; road trips, staying in lazing around watching movies,
painting, cooking classes…there so many things couples can do together to grow
their bond…both physically and emotionally.
HAVING YOUR CAKE AND
EATING AS WELL
I learned that 80% of the
men all over the world are wired to cheat in their lives. Well, I’ve dated several
guys and I can’t say that could be true. Yes, I have been cheated on and I
understood why back then and still understand where these guys are coming from.
We all say that guys are dogs it’s like we chicks ain in the same boat? I’ve
watched girls play guys around like clockwork and at the end of the day I wonder
what they end up accomplishing eventually. To be honest, it’s purely a selfish
motive; trying to get something you can’t get from your current partner so
seeking it from someone or other people.
I have mad respect for
those women who stand by their men who even after been busted for been cheated
on still defend their men. To most men, for some reason, it is a turn on but
why suffer to please someone that much? Money? Love? Status quo? Family? What
is there to fight for? What amazes me is when they walk out, the man tends to
crumble down and realize…the same old line we hear every day; you never know the value of what you have till you lose
it to someone else.
GOSSIP
It’s funny how both
species tend to talk about each other. Men, brag to their boys about their
cars, girls, professional status and success in life while ladies tend to talk
about their issues and at times bedroom performances ….Of course we all love to
brag about stuff that we have and all….that’s human nature. But we don’t have
to brag about it every time. Dudes, think how uncomfortable it is when all your
boys give your girl the “fisi” (hungry
wild dog; hyena) look because of what you once told them of how good your
girl is in bed. Ladies, men hate it when you have issues then ended up sharing
them with the whole world; hints on your social media account; talking to your
friends or even his. Like seriously….yes it’s fine to ask for advice from your
close friends but please do that after you’ve had that conversation with your
man. Remember at the end of the day, the issue is between the both of you and not
the whole world.
SPACE
As the word itself, this
can be broad. We all tend to need our own space; to help us come back to our
senses. Once in awhile it’s healthy to let each other breathe. Like from the video
Elastic Heart by Sia, there’s a struggle that some people can relate to in
their relationships and if you don’t get out of each other’s hairs, it becomes toxic
and could end up to a fatal death; things may be said that can never be taken
back; actions may be done that are irreversible. All that is left is scars and
silence pain. When you need a time out; TAKE IT.
If he wants to just chill
out with the boys or do a boys thing, let him do it. And please….DON NOT KEEP CALLING
HIM ASKING HIM WHAT HE IS UPTO….please remember you ain’t his mother. Dudes,
that also applies to you. If she wants to go out with the girls, let her let
her hair down, get dressed up and have fun with the girls. (She doesn’t stop you when you’re always out
every other weekend ogling at other women or worse getting a quick fix).
Real
talk:
At the end of the day, if the above doesn’t help to make your relationship work
out, you need to question yourself and have a serious sit down with your
partner and see the way forward.
If a man or woman dares to raise a hand to hit you,
molest you, threaten you; despite you been nice to them and attending to their
needs, walk out…actually no….RUN and never look behind. There are soooo many
people in abusive relationships and are unable to speak out because of fear. To
be honest, you are human and deserve a better life. Find someone you can talk to.
You don’t deserve to be a victim; we were created to be each other’s companions
and not slaves. We all deserve to be happy and loved.
·
If you hate something
your partner does, say it.
·
Learn to listen to each other
·
Shouting doesn’t solve
anything, it just creates headaches and sore throats
·
Make time for each other
·
Treat each other with
love and respect; pretty much how you would like to be treated. If not, try and
imagine if the roles turned around and were in reverse?
·
Appreciate each other.
It never killed anybody
·
Always be you. Never
change to make impress someone. You can only ACCOMMODATE.
·
Do things that you will
both enjoy or learn something the other person loves doing
·
Place boundaries and
respect them.
