ESTRANGED

Every handful full of soil that I let go, travels down 13 feet with a tear drop.

Every granule that passes through my fingers, represents the experiences encountered over the years.

Every ounce of energy within me has been fighting, but reality has finally sunk in.

Existence in the same sphere will be nothing but a past experience.

Never will I look back and question giving you a second chance.

Never will I look back and wish I had done things differently.

Never will I look back and ponder on what we had.

Never will I look back and regret my decision to keep you a stranger in my living world.

Not once did I question your actions without reasoning.

Not once did I leave you out in the cold when you reached out.

Not once did I close the door on you.

Not once did I consider you to be weak or selfish.

Moving on with our destined paths, we no longer fit in each other’s puzzles.

Moving on will be hard but that’s the best solution to aid with the healing process.

Most memories made will be nothing but memories and fade with time.

Most of all, this was nothing but a season that finally came to an end.

Manual For Who???

I always find it hilarious when guys complain about " Women are complicated" "Women are hard to understand" "To deal with a woman you need a manual". Still tickles me when I think about it.

Gentlemen, let's dive back to the creation story. Woman was created from Man's rib. So, as a man, do you need a manual to understand yourself?

U

nfortunately, as humans, we tend to complain about minimal things that if one takes keen interest and notice the little things, you will get it right. Let me test you: if you are very keen to detail; the "manual" is right before your eyes. Let's see if you're smart enough to get it.

N

otice the little or big details that trigger her anger and AVOID them. Its that SIMPLE.

D

on't you dare disrespect her. This can be a touchy topic because I've heard guys say the only reason they disrespect their ladies is because they either deserve it or because of how they act. So question is, WHY ARE YOU WITH HER? I personally detest men who disrespect women. Women are powerful beings because we have to ability to bring life to this world, take care of beings, clean up after you and yet you think you have the balls to lay a hand on her. When she's out of the door, you come back crying and begging her back.... no one ain got time for that. Who raised you? Respect the women in your life; SIMPLE. Women, on the other hand, don't disrespect your men. What we fail to think about in the moment is the effect of losing what you have. You never know the value till you no longer have it.

E

ducate. Educate. Educate. When you don't like something in a certain way, show how you like it done if not say it. Let the person know you either, ain't comfortable with something or you just don't like it. For instance, I love a specific salad from one of the coffee houses in my town but I hate the fact they make it with onions. When I order for the salad, these days, they don't even ask me, it comes without the onions and I leave as a happy customer unlike when I watch other people grouch and complain about minor things that can easily be changed. God created you with a mouth for a reason.

R

eading signals is like the worst thing ever. People who know me, know how I really hate reading signs. You either communicate clearly; in black and white or don't bother at all. Trying to read in between the lines is like...without cursing. I can't even explain it. You need to communicate effectively unless you enjoy going off and being on each others throats.

S

haring. Sharing experiences. Sharing thoughts. Sharing emotions. This is something that I have learnt that goes a long way. Despite been a form of communication, it makes you understand the other person's perspective as well as; in some instances; explain a certain way of reaction.

T

he meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed- C.G Jung. Can you imagine dating your clone? Of course at first it would be amazing but after awhile it would get odd and in ALL honesty... BORING followed by a CLASH. For those of you who think your clone would be the perfect match; you are straight up FULL OF YOURSELF. #JustSaying

A

s a single child, I have always been told that I am self-centered. And the ironic bit is I always challenge the people who come up with that statement. If I am self-centered, then why do I bother accommodating you? Its always a husher. I do agree accommodating someone can be hard but one needs to consider the attributes that they have to stand up to because there's no one who is perfect. We all have a trait that drives someone if not some people up the wall. So before you ever go off on her again, think of what she has to take from you.

N

ever compare. I believe this rule should only be when purchasing materialistic items. Comparison is very delicate as it affects one's attributes and character. This immediately triggers a spark that makes one flip out very easily.

D

aring to be different is definitely scary (for those obsessed with routines and constant actions) but once in awhile, going out of your norm, not only pushes you to do something different but exposes a chance to explore something new. I have a friend whose husband did the most outrageous thing ( I would say in his books) but it was all in the name of love and was definitely worth the risk. Doing what she likes once in awhile won't kill you.

H

onesty is better than SUGAR COATED BULLSHIT. You may like it or not but I will tell you like it is. Honesty is one of the things that breaks trust in any type of relationship. It may sting and hurt but I always say its best for someone to know the truth from me other than from someone else. This applies especially to those closest to me.

E

valuate the situation before saying a word. I don't think I'm the only one who stomps off when I'm upset.... ok let me be honest... I go silent. Then you come round and ask me "Are you mad at me?" "Nah. I just miss chewing gum..." If you are keen with a lady, especially during an argument, you will know when she's upset. So please.... don't ask if we are ok. It'll land you in the bad books if not a cold shoulder when you go to bed.

R

elationships are very diverse. Each with their own extremities. One just needs to understand the other person...as simple as that :-)

AWAKEN

I was once in love with you,
I was once hypnotized by your eyes,
I was once engrossed in your conversation,
I was once head over heels for you.

I was once attracted to your smile,
I was once challenged by the ambition,
I was once intrigued by your confidence,
I was once infatuated by your style.

I was once caught up in your spell,
I was once encapsulated in your embrace,
I was once blinded by your actions,
I was once confused by your personality.

Just one slip and the script changed.

You are now an enemy to me,
You are now a deceitful character to my eyes,
You are now the reason for this void,
You are now nothing but a chapter in my past.

You are now the reason I can't stop tearing,
You are now the reason I am afraid of the dark,
You are now the reason I no longer trust no one,
You are now my worst nightmare.

Although on the other hand

I thank you for the strength that I have gained,
I thank you for the courage you instilled in me,
I thank you for the challenges you challenged me to,
I thank you for the independence I got from the detachment.
I thank you for awakening me.

In life we tend to go through certain experiences that make us automatically strong. They are not necessarily human inflicted but scenarios that make us awaken from the phase we were wrapped up in. Instead of letting situations get you down, overcome and learn from them.

50 Healthy Habits Every Girl Should Have #2

As promised here is this week's 5 habits

#6. Understand that excercise doesn't have to be a big time commitment

Back to this working out diabolical conversation. Working out doesn't always mean going to the gym or attending your zumba classes every week. Unless you are a gym freak, the rest of you will agree with me that getting time to workout can be struggle. Why? Well, we always look for silly excuses to bail out. From lack of time, to lack of finances. We even use our families as excuses as well. (Sadly). But like i said before, how hard is it for you to do simple workouts? Like using the stairs? Going for walks with your spouse or children during the weekend? Walking your dogs in stead of having your guard or gardener do it? (This is a challenge that i'm forcing myself to adapt to).

#7. Cut back on (evil) sugar

Truthfully, for those close to me know for a fact, I am a sugar freak. I saw this and started laughing coz i knew this will be a total fail on my end. I cannot survive without a dose of sugar in a day....AT ALL. Though i did abit of research on this and understood why its called 'evil'. People add weight from excessive sugar intake. At the same time health isssues such as diabetes tend to crop up. I've really tried to understand how people are able to have anything without sugar and to be honest, if it ain a health issue, I don't get it. Lifestyle choices....in my opinion. Anyway, this also joins my list of things I will try to work on. This week, try and calculate the amount of sugar you'll take. The results will amaze you.

#8. Drink warm water with cayenne, pepper and lemon daily.

People trying to cleanse and loose weight, try this out. My taste buds had a field trip with this. It was pretty peculiar and taught me one thing, stick to cucumber/ lemon water. If not.....PLAIN COLD water. I was amazed afew years back when i read about the importance of drinking water. I never understood why, as a child my mother would force it down my throat. Though now I'm really thankful for my flawless skin....(just saying). Gents, do you know any benefit?

a) flushes out toxins
b) improves skin complexion
c) natural headache remedy
d) increases energy and reduces fatigue
e) puts you in a good mood.
And the BEST thing about water; its FREE. What can give all those benefits at no cost?

#9. Don't try to keep up with people you ain't

I'm a die hard advocate on one's own definition. We always say: 'The people we keep define our character'. There is some truth to that but we don't get the true characteristic of a person. Though the one thing I always say to everyone around me: ALWAYS BE TRUE TO YOURSELF. If impressing people and trying to fit in is what drives you; REALITY CHECK;You're wasting your energy trying to keep up with people who already have their plans mapped out to suit them and here you are following them sheeplessly. Remember to always remain with those who add value and you build each other.

#10. Use a rentinol if you start getting wrinkles.

To be honest, I had no clue what rentinol was prior to this writing. So for those who are in the dark as I was rentinol is a yellow compound found in green and yellow vegetables, egg yolk and fish-liver oil. What it basically does is generate new blood vessels in the skin and increases the making of new collagen. It also helps with fading age spots. (Who knew?) I found this really amazing because its a natural way of fighting wrinkles as well as acne. Though one needs to be consisten in using it to notice the changes. The only bummer thing about this is that one starts noting the difference 6 months down the line. Well its better than going for botox fillers....


See you next week for another session...

50 HEALTHY HABITS EVERY GIRL SHOULD HAVE.#1

So the other day I was having a look at my recommendations on Pinterest and came across an interesting poster that I thought I MUST share this. This may say like a fully girly post, but gentlemen, you can learn afew things from this. Over the next 10 weeks I will take you all through; 50 HEALTHY HABITS EVERY GIRL SHOULD HAVE.

1.     Start fresh every single day

In my perspective; I believe every day is a brand new day. Let go of all the negative energy that you had from the previous day; anger; frustration; disappointment and many other NEGATIVE emotions. As soon as you open your eyes, tell yourself “Today is a new day. Whatever happened yesterday was yesterday. Time to start on a positive note.” The attitude the human brain works up with determines how the rest of your day may play out. So jump out of your bed every day with this mentality; NEW DAY, FRESH START.

2.     Check your credit card statements. Bank accounts and pays stubs regularly

When I received my first paycheck, I immediately did my nails, bought a pair of new heels as well as clothes. Not forgetting, partying. Less than 10 days down the line, I was what my mother loves says, ‘You are not broke. You are just financially challenged.’ At some point in my life I had the “shopaholic’ syndrome and found it so hard to detach until one of my colleagues sat me down and taught the importance of accounting for every cent that was mine. Since then, my whole life changed. I was able to check my statements and account for everything. At the end of the month, despite having my savings set aside, I am able to spoil myself once in awhile and still have money in the bank.

I’ve heard of banks that play around with people’s money without their customers’ knowledge. Be the smarter cat and watch out for such goons. Go through your statements at least once a month if possible.

Always be able to account for every cent that leaves your pocket.

3.     Adopt a “meatless Monday” mentality

I find it so hilarious when people ask me how I don’t add weight. How do I watch what I eat? How do I maintain my body shape? Well, thats simple, DIET. Yes I have been accused of junking and all severally but the one thing I love about my body is that I am a junkie for fruits and veggies as well. As odd as it may sound, I would pick a salad any day over a steak out.

It’s not cast in stone that you always have to pick Monday as the day, could be any day of the week. Though I’d select Monday, since my cheat day usually starts on Friday and is usually downhill from breakfast. Challenge yourself to at least have a full vegetarian day once a week.

4.     Put down your phone when you’re out with people

I LOATHE it when I’m hanging out with people and they spend their whole time on their phones. At times I wonder how they would feel if we could exchange roles.

The other day, I went for dinner with my mother and the table across us had 3 teenagers and their parents. Funny thing, THEY WERE ALL ON THEIR PHONES. PARENTS INCLUDED. I wondered what was the point of going out for a family dinner if everyone is busy on their phone.

To be honest, I find it totally disrespectful if I’m hanging out with someone and 90% of the time you’re on your phone. There are enough times I have walked away from idiots who thought they could pull such stunts on me (gals included)…this is inclusive of high level ranked people in companies. TOTALLY DISRESPECTFUL. My best friend and I have a rule, whenever we are together, we always out our phones together and place them facing down….NO DISTRACTION. Though emergency calls are allowed to be picked up or attended to.

If you are fond of this habit, ever wondered how the other person may feel?

5.     Try the 2/30 rule; 2 hours of TV, 30 minutes of exercise

I’m sure exercise is a word some people who hate to hear. I find it hilarious when I share with people my workout regime or how I spend my time during the weekends. I am truly a couch potato when I want to. That one I am a victim of. But I end up reversing it. I always hear people around me complain about their weight and when I challenge them on simple things they always end up frowning and complaining. 2HOURS of TV and just 30MIN workout…..how hard is that? Though I think the question would be what type of work out? If you can find a work out that you enjoy doing or can do with someone, I’m sure you’ll be surprised to see yourself clocking even 60 mins after awhile. Exercise is very important to the human body and yet many of us ignore it. This is one of the challenges I will take up and after the 10 weeks I’ll definitely give y’all feedback on this…..2hrs of telly…..that’ll be my challenge.

So at least every week you can challenge yourself or someone and see out of the 50 how many habits you have adapted and how many you currently are doing and are improving on them.

Enjoy the read.

APPRECIATION

Someone please help me understand this, why is it hard to appreciate people?

She wakes up every day and first thing she does is check up on you

She schedules her week and makes sure to spend time with you

She goes out of her way to run your errands when you’re tied up

He ensures he gives her whatever she wants,

He takes a bullet when it comes to doing things that she likes just to make her happy

He goes all the way to hold her hair back as she throws up in the washroom

Appreciate your girlfriend/ boyfriend

She makes sure your children are always tucked in bed every night

She ensures all your clothes are laundered accordingly

She is always your cheerleader on every idea and decision you make

She still sleeps in the same bed with you even when your hands have the scent of the other woman

He ensures your children have everything they want

He ensures he is able to provide for his family

He sacrifices everything for his family to ensure that they are safe at any one time

He turns a blind eye when he sees a text from your flirt and acts like he never saw a thing

Appreciate your Wife/ Husband

Just the other day when I was driving home, all these thoughts ran through my mind and I realized, we tend to take people for granted….ALOT….At times without knowing and at times knowingly. I took a second and it hit me, I do take a lot for granted; from my family to the few people I still have around me.

 I received a post today morning and that’s what drove me to write this post.

At times we do first have to accept who we are.

 At times we do have to change afew things here and there but change them to make us better and not for someone else. Once we overcome such a hurdle, we tend to gain a power that I LOVE…’SELF CONFIDENCE’ and of course LOVING YOURSELF EVEN MORE.

Humans tend to make the mistake of loving someone first before loving yourself. Hence we tend to hear about vicious tales of tragic break ups, bloody divorces and worse of all; fatalities.

At the end of the day, people will still take advantage of others; and I know I can’t change that, but what I can change is your perception and teach you on how to appreciate people more.

Thank the guard who opens the gate for you every morning and evening

The nanny who takes care of your babies when you are away

Your cleaner who cleans up after your crap

The cashiers at the stores who assist you with calculating your bill

Or even the bar tender who keeps topping you up whenever your glass is empty (but if he doesn't suggest you have water, change your bar tender …just saying)

Your parents for helping you get to where you are

Your spouse who is always by your side when your friends are nowhere in the vicinity

Today, I sat in a seat that a few years back I would be trembling to sit in. My voice would shake and I’d get teary due to fear. Today was a different story. I had confidence that I even surprised myself. The person across the table, instilled confidence in me…THANK YOU FOR THAT.

We never know that value of the people in our life till they are no longer in our environment.

REALITY vs LIMITS

So last week, met up with one of my gal’s and her story….I try to understand how some people are raised at times. I always listen to how men bitch about how women play with their minds and vice versa. What we never realize is we all complain about the same BLOODY things.

             MONEY

I love it when men complain about how we females are always chasing after your wallets. Wondered why? Here are two scenarios:

Scenario 1

You walk into…let’s say restaurant. Get a table by the door. Within your few seconds of scouting the room, your eyes lock with a flashy sexy lady who winks at you. Hmmm…two things may happen; you may ignore or if your man enough, smile back. With how most Kenyan men have been brought up, only gentlemen who aren’t TOO FULL of themselves will react….talking from experience…just saying….You pull out your tab, place your Iphone 6S on the table and pretend to fiddle with it. The lady walks up to you, says hi and drops off her card and asks you to give you a call before walking out. Would you call her? Let’s say you do and she invites your over to her posh penthouse that has the most amazing view of the city and you have a candle lit dinner on her balcony. A woman with power and MONEY…After a few weeks of spending time together, you realize she can get you the designer suits that you have always wanted to have…do you think it would hurt if she spared afew of her pocket change for you to have your suits? How about, she blows it out of the park and fly’s you to Milan to her your suits customized? Would you really let go?

Scenario 2

The typical case where a girl follows a man for his wallet….he pays her rent, nails, weaves (yes men….i said it….y’all bitch about how you hate em but still pay for em), buys her a car, gaudy jewelry, the list is endless.

What both scenarios have in common is simple…we aren’t satisfied by what we have. Which is fine…that should be your motivation to work harder and get it yourself. I know someone by now is asking, “What if he is willing to just give it to me?” Sweetie, he ain willing…he knows what he wants at the end of the game. It may take a week or years but when he cracks…HE WILL CRACK. Men…same applies, you will see how money controls you that you will just lay down like a lil pup and roll over whenever she says.

My question is, why not doing for you? Why do people have to use money to make others get attracted to them? Money comes…money goes…. I wonder what happens when it goes? I am not against accepting gifts that don’t have any carrots attached to them…by all means ACCEPT them…

         SELFISH

Both genders are definitely victims of this. We always want things our way. Someone would go out of their way to make you happy or comfortable that you forget the relationship is based on two people….turns out it is controlled by one person…We then turn around and realize the statement I have heard a bit one too many times “You never know what you have till you lose it”. The gal who is always by your side when you cheat on her, always have your back when you get into fights and cleans up your scars, always there when you need tissue to wipe your ass (OK. now that’s extreme)…or the guy who always picks you up from the club and you are totally plastered, holds back your weave when you are busy throwing up, always sits through all your whining about how you hate life…tsk tsk tsk…. dem good people out there…. May the Lord Bless your Souls

3PRETENCE

The two things I have been told about myself recently by several people, I am at times unapproachable…apparently I have a bitch face attitude if not that I am too frank. Oh well…guess what I have no apologies for that…with me…what you see is what you get. If you don’t like it, suck it for all I care. There is no way in hell I would ever put on a show to impress some nigga or bitch…. I AIN GOT TIME FOR THAT. Question, what happens when the show is over and the curtains are closed? Unleash of the monster. Then you come round and hear people complaining of how this person has changed. We have drifted…. BULLSHIT…If you didn’t realize all this from the word go, don’t come back 5 years down the line complaining

   FAKE

I do not hate (without a reason) but…. why would someone medically or physically change themselves for someone else? I find it so hilarious when I end up sitting down with either gender and we end up arguing if a chick’s hoo-ha’s are real? If that’s her hair? Is that her real butt? Does she have a waist trainer on? Someone once asked me how my butt randomly grew…. and its simple…..WORK OUT…. till to date…. she still doesn’t believe that…. oh well. But ladies…. not all men love CHINA…I’ve had arguments where we argue about make-up with guys…Some men may be attracted to the fantasy doll figure and look but others are madly in love with your natural self…LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELVES....and accept yourselves for how you are.

Now with just those 4 main issues touched on…what can one learn from this:

a)       Money may make you happy and shit but when it’s over what next? What if it doesn’t buy you the happiness you want? What next? Change the currency? For sure money IS EVERYTHING…but know how to control your OWN and not want OTHERS. If they are willing to share, INVEST in it wisely…. my confidant made me laugh when he told me if he was a gal and a GD (Gold Digger) what he would do with every cent he would get…..was tooooo hilarious….( story for another day)

b)      Good People: at times it is hard to be mean…. trust me I know that especially when you love the other person and you think they feel the same way about you. But it comes a time where you have to be the bigger wiser person and walk out. If someone doesn’t appreciate you, WALK OUT…For those married, don’t give up just yet COMMUNICATE…. If not, I’d say pay back that ain the answer really……try and look for a middle ground or the reason to the reaction. People just don’t change overnight unless you accepted the package as you started unwrapping it.

c)       BE YOU…. If he or she daen like it…. TOOO BAD someone else will and will totally appreciate you for who YOU ARE. I don’t how people keep on changing faces and scenes and there are idiots out there who still follow through… 

d)      At times all the above may not be practical or work for you…but over the past 2 years the one lesson I have learnt and always share it with almost everyone; WHEN ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. You know it because at the end of it all…. WE ALL HAVE A LIMIT TO OUR LOVE and once you get the guts to accept that and either walk out or change to improve the situation, trust me, you will never regret or look back. I said goodbye to all the silly flings I had and immature relationships I was in that just wasted my time. LEARN TO LOVE WHAT YOU HAVE AND WHO YOU ARE BEFORE YOU TAKE THE CHANCE TO LOVE SOMEONE ELSE…