MEN vs WOMEN:Part I

Currently, I’m reading a book that is based on women’s lives in the Middle East. I am super attracted to such stories…stories of struggles that we are unable to see for ourselves. And it hit me…we are always talking about supporting the girl child…what about the boy child?

We are always up I arms when a man lays a hand on a woman, but we never get to ask why? Of course it’s not right but what would lead to such an action? Over the past few weeks, I’ve been ending up having conversations regarding both sexes with various people and it gave me a different perspective of life and our roles in society.

Disclaimer:  Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

So ideally, when we go back to the creation story, woman was created to be man’s companion; from his rib to be exact. So question, why do we take advantage of each other? I will take a few situations in this article to expose so things we either ignore or take for granted.

HEAD OF THE HOUSE

As women, we always fight to be treated equally; I also fight for the same. What we tend to forget is in the house, you need to let go of the dominating reigns just alil bit. You could be the most influential or powerful woman in your company or heck the president of the country, but when you get home, you need to trade different hats.

A woman’s place in the house is the care taker. All men have egos that love been pampered. When he comes home, he would love having you serve him his food, ask how his day was and all that. I’m not saying that you adore your man….HELL NO…but make him feel like a king. I know doing this can be monotonous or a pain experience especially when the guy may be acting like an ass. Ever questioned yourself why he acts? Don’t you think you could be an influential trigger in such character change?

It’s well known, men love a woman who takes care of his things, spoils him and makes him feel on top of the world. So for instance, if you’re a nagging woman always complaining about everything, from the fact that he no longer takes you out, comes home late or comes home days later to him not helping around in the house or paying the bills…

For starters, QUIT THE NAGGING. The more you nag the more you push him away. Try another route of communicating to him. If you have the help always fix his dinner and pick up after him, don’t be surprised when he bangs her or comes days later. He is getting treated better by someone else since you are too busy nagging the hell out of him.

I have super Ms. Independence syndrome and all but ladies seriously you have no idea how a man gets really turned on by a woman who knows her place and treats him well. When at work, you are the one who calls the shots but back home, try and make his home his palace. You’ll be shocked by the outcome.

Men, you aren’t getting off easily. I know of men who are treated like kings by their wives/ girlfriends but they still take advantage of it. It does hurt as a female when a man disrespects me because he can and thinks is the more superior species. Nigga, get your head on straight and remember the treatment you get is basically based on how you treat me.

I’m not encouraging a back to back payback scenario but trying to bring out the fact that we all have emotions and we would like to be treated evenly. All we need to do is find a balance.  Men, please do understand, we do have long days like you as well and others a bit longer especially women with children.  Take a second and think about it, your wife wakes up, makes sure the lil ones are up and getting ready for school, make breakfast, set out your clothes for you and starts getting ready. After work, she has to make sure the children have showered, done their assignments; dinner is ready on time and still make time to catch up with you before she calls it a night. For those women who do that every single day, my hat is tipped off to you. #SuperWomen. I know here I will get the argument of having the helps doing some of the chores, which is fine but the woman of the home takes charge. If you are reading this and you are a woman who doesn’t do this….start checking your ways.

COMMUNICATION

For any relationship to work you need to COMMUNICATE. (This also includes with animals when I come to think of it; just saying). Whether you like it or not. This is a vital component in ALL relationships.

Women, if you hate how your man talks to you, tell him. Don’t fight back. AVOID (please not this is in bold and in red) AVOID AVOID assumptions. Men hate it when we assume things and try to read their minds. You are no magician and you cannot always get what his thinking right. If you hate it when he comes home late, let him know. It doesn’t change anything when you raise your voice at him even if he is on the wrong or try and play even. That makes the situation even worse. Let him know that you need help with something or need him to run an errand.

Men, now you understand why when you have a super hangover from a night out with the boys the previous night and she decides that’s the day you have to take her to your/ her relatives or for shopping? Stop been an ignorant ass and get up and do whatever she wants you to do without flinching. At the end of the day, who is to blame?

APPRECIATE & MAKE TIME FOR EACH OTHER

When was the last time you ever appreciated each other or even taken time to complement one another? Once in awhile take time to appreciate each other. Compliment your man when he does something small like an errand or chore. It may seem to you that he is supposed to do it anyway but saying a simple thank you will not sting. Guys compliment your lady. Her outfit for the day, meal she made for you….

Make you time. People who are freshly dating tend to have date nights often and have a weekend hangouts quite often. That doesn’t stop married couples from doing the same as well. Studies have proven that making time for each other not only helps strengthening your relationship but makes you grow fonder of each other. Take time to do what your partner loves doing; road trips, staying in lazing around watching movies, painting, cooking classes…there so many things couples can do together to grow their bond…both physically and emotionally.

HAVING YOUR CAKE AND EATING AS WELL

I learned that 80% of the men all over the world are wired to cheat in their lives. Well, I’ve dated several guys and I can’t say that could be true. Yes, I have been cheated on and I understood why back then and still understand where these guys are coming from. We all say that guys are dogs it’s like we chicks ain in the same boat? I’ve watched girls play guys around like clockwork and at the end of the day I wonder what they end up accomplishing eventually. To be honest, it’s purely a selfish motive; trying to get something you can’t get from your current partner so seeking it from someone or other people.

I have mad respect for those women who stand by their men who even after been busted for been cheated on still defend their men. To most men, for some reason, it is a turn on but why suffer to please someone that much? Money? Love? Status quo? Family? What is there to fight for? What amazes me is when they walk out, the man tends to crumble down and realize…the same old line we hear every day; you never know the value of what you have till you lose it to someone else.

GOSSIP

It’s funny how both species tend to talk about each other. Men, brag to their boys about their cars, girls, professional status and success in life while ladies tend to talk about their issues and at times bedroom performances ….Of course we all love to brag about stuff that we have and all….that’s human nature. But we don’t have to brag about it every time. Dudes, think how uncomfortable it is when all your boys give your girl the “fisi” (hungry wild dog; hyena) look because of what you once told them of how good your girl is in bed. Ladies, men hate it when you have issues then ended up sharing them with the whole world; hints on your social media account; talking to your friends or even his. Like seriously….yes it’s fine to ask for advice from your close friends but please do that after you’ve had that conversation with your man. Remember at the end of the day, the issue is between the both of you and not the whole world.

SPACE

As the word itself, this can be broad. We all tend to need our own space; to help us come back to our senses. Once in awhile it’s healthy to let each other breathe. Like from the video Elastic Heart by Sia, there’s a struggle that some people can relate to in their relationships and if you don’t get out of each other’s hairs, it becomes toxic and could end up to a fatal death; things may be said that can never be taken back; actions may be done that are irreversible. All that is left is scars and silence pain. When you need a time out; TAKE IT.

If he wants to just chill out with the boys or do a boys thing, let him do it. And please….DON NOT KEEP CALLING HIM ASKING HIM WHAT HE IS UPTO….please remember you ain’t his mother. Dudes, that also applies to you. If she wants to go out with the girls, let her let her hair down, get dressed up and have fun with the girls. (She doesn’t stop you when you’re always out every other weekend ogling at other women or worse getting a quick fix).

Real talk: At the end of the day, if the above doesn’t help to make your relationship work out, you need to question yourself and have a serious sit down with your partner and see the way forward.

If a man  or woman dares to raise a hand to hit you, molest you, threaten you; despite you been nice to them and attending to their needs, walk out…actually no….RUN and never look behind. There are soooo many people in abusive relationships and are unable to speak out because of fear. To be honest, you are human and deserve a better life. Find someone you can talk to. You don’t deserve to be a victim; we were created to be each other’s companions and not slaves. We all deserve to be happy and loved.

·       If you hate something your partner does, say it.

·       Learn to listen to each other

·       Shouting doesn’t solve anything, it just creates headaches and sore throats

·       Make time for each other

·       Treat each other with love and respect; pretty much how you would like to be treated. If not, try and imagine if the roles turned around and were in reverse?

·       Appreciate each other. It never killed anybody

·       Always be you. Never change to make impress someone. You can only ACCOMMODATE.

·       Do things that you will both enjoy or learn something the other person loves doing

·       Place boundaries and respect them.

LIFE TREE

One of my big sister’s once told me;

“People have different functions in our lives. Some last, others are seasonal with others are there for a duration.”

And she was soooo right…she made me question some of the characters in my life….

Yes we do all agree life is a journey; there are various types of people we tend to meet and can be easily classified into 3 main parts; Leaves, Branches and Roots.

LEAVES:

These characters are basically there for a season. During sprig they bloom up and eventually in the summer when you are at your Prime, they are fully there for you till the fall checks in and they slowly start shedding off.

These are characters that we all face in life. Always there when it is sunny side up and when you hit the bottom, they look at you and move onto the next person. Lynches is what I prefer calling them. I have met such characters and it’s so funny when they randomly show up back into my life and they never realize I don’t have time for their crap because as it was, when I first met them, I was naive and dumb but now this lil tigress is out for the kill. Though one thing I love about this bunch of characters is the fact that in the moment, they definitely know how to have fun and maximize on opportunities that are placed in front of them. And pretty soon you have leavers….

BRANCHES:

These are the people I place automatically on the fence because they are never sure of their loyalty.  They have a tendency of sticking around for a certain duration to see the most they can maximize from someone or even a situation. They are there to form a relationship that will suit best to their needs and when they realize they have nothing more to gain, they slowly retract from the friendship and dry up. Without knowing or wanting, we tend to lose them from our circles of being.

ROOTS:

These are the people who are there through thick and thin. The ones you can call in the middle of the night and you know that they will always have your back or they will be willing to do what they hate the most only if it’s what will cheer you up. Loyalty is the slogan. Most people will say, family is part of this bunch. I do agree, but at the same time not all families are the same. Yes we definitely can’t choose them but they give us anchorage.

This cluster can also be a bunch of goons who have known you for ages or those random people you click with from the word go. Those who always have your back no matter what; those who will be by your side when the world is against you and they will fight tooth and nail for you when you need them to even without asking.

I have gone through this group of people in my life. From change of best friends, sisters to shear friends and definitely the loser ass boyfriends I’ve had. I can’t judge them for who they are or how our relationships have crashed and burned but I can only thank them for helping me be alil bit wiser and careful. I can now sniff the different parts of the tree as they come across me. Yes some were painful reality checks but others were definitely worth letting go of the dead weight.

If you are reading this and we have known each other personally, I believe you can easily place yourself into the correct group of people in my life. I have always been afraid of hurting people’s feelings and always concerned about what you care or have to say about me….Someone wise once told me “there is only one you and no one can replace that. You are in control of your life and have the power to do whatever you want.” It mysteriously gave me a new sense of ownership and shed off a lot of weight.

I challenge you….in your life, do the number of rooters you have more than the branchers and leavers???

It’s time to re-check your counts and see what to shed off, prune and retain.

Take A Guess...

A few days ago, I celebrated my 2....something birthday. Was excited I was starting a new year at the end of the "actual" year. Fun times is the description I can give you guys of what I have undergone the past few years. I later sat down this week and took a different angle for this article....

F

or those around me, I'm considered to be a HAPPY character. I seem to be a source of positive energy to some people while others tend to get the HORMONAL HURRICANE side when they tamper with the wrong wires and temper with my anger. Over the years, I have come to realize, despite the fact that I dish out the truth when necessary, I HATE been on the receiving end. It drains me because just as most humans react, we don't like been on the wrong but such is life. Gatta swallow the bitter pill once in awhile.
At times I question myself what I lack and just today morning I realized, I am been unjust to myself as my HUNGER for my own success isn't on the level that it should be on. I always challenge myself to be better than I was the previous day, but today I had a rude awakening that made me realize, I have to get the old me back.
Looking back over the years, I was a HEARTBREAKER... little did I remember of how karma can come back and bite me and I would be the one with a broken heart. Some people are embarrassed to say this out in public, but I no longer have shame when I say at some point in my life I not only had HAZARDOUS friends but I was a Hazard to myself. I was in the darkest zone in my life that now I sit and question myself; "why the hell was I letting someone have the better part of me?" Listening to Marvin's Room....story for another day...

A

NGEL is a nickname I got  exactly 10 years ago. At first I used to hate it but it actually grew onto me during the years and I have my first boyfriend to thank him for the name...Over the years I have always been an 'ADVENTITIOUS and AFFABLE soul' is what some say I am.
AGELESS is something I don't have to say but it shows with my physique (just saying).My thought process is what confuses people at times because they tend to ask how old I am due to my face and thinking process differ completely from one another. My Twinnie always says I am AMBIVALENT when it comes to impulsive decision making. But shockingly what amazes me about what people comment about me is, I come off as an ADVISOR when need arises.

T

he IRONIC part that I love about my life, is the levels of expectations that I blow out of the water once I get my mind hooked onto achieving something. I do have my low moments when "super gal" is nowhere to be seen and I just want to zone-out into my own "Keke Land". I tend to be believe I am a different being; UNIQUE is the word. Not too much though. Other than been told I resemble other people (which I find totally AWKWARD), I tend to leave a mark in people's life...97% is a good mark. Get on my wrong side to join the 3% wagon. Looking back, at some point in my rebellious teen life, I was clustered to be rowdy and yet I was never RECALCITRANT whatsoever.

Z

ANY is just but one of the words I can truly describe myself with...hands down. I do have my ZESTY moments here and there but they are toned down at times; ( and not the sour aspect :-) )
If I was to die today, I would so like to be a Tiger in the ZOIC world. They are powerful, the true kings of the jungle (YES lions are nothing in this comparison) and sooooo adorable when they are cubs. It's totally random but I would do anything to see a real tiger and maybe even pet it. I have a fetish for Pandas and Koalas. Those fuzzy things drive me mad. Too adorable.

I

 am not a perfectionist; neither am I a KLUTZY person but I do have those moments and they come with a huge BANG!!! I hate the factor that some people have the notion that I am KINKY due to the presence of a piercing I have. It's amazing how some Kenyans are soooo shallow and narrow thinkers. Just because someone has certain adornments doesn't mean that they got them just like every other person. All my adornments have symbolic meanings to me. (Just for the record).
I tend to be super KIND at times that people take advantage of me and in return I end up been a silent vicious though meek innocent KILLER. At times it is toxic for my friendship relations but I believe once in a while one goes to a darker area to learn their strongest and weakest points.

V

enturing into ENTREPRENEURSHIP is one of my goals for this year. I have decided to use my talent to not only generate income but also to give back to society. I am super excited about my adoption. Can't wait to be a mommy. Some people have told me so far I am crazy but what's crazy about taking care of something that is so helpless? Can't wait to meet my baby ELEPHANT in the next few weeks time. They always take my breath away and to think that in the next 10 years they could go extinct and I can help stop that, I'd definitely have a helping hand to help save them.

That's just a little piece about me. For those who are keen, you can pick out my real names and age from this article and other hidden attributes that are not necessarily written in the article. I hope you enjoyed getting to know just a little about the AUTHOR.

What's The True Definition Of Professional Success?

We all have the potential to be at our MAXIMUM best.
We always complain that the money we earn, isn't enough.
We complain that the jobs  we are in aren't what fulfilling.
So why do you bother to wake up in the morning to go to work?

Most will give the EXCUSE that they are in the position they are in due to:
The economy;
Providing basic needs;
Or better yet, they don't have a choice.

There're  some people I look at on a daily basis and wonder;
"What did you really envision about YOUR FUTURE?"
I've watched people go through pay cuts.
I've watched people demote themselves.
I've watched people shrivel up in their seats due to lack of challenge and growth
And I end up asking myself:
"Why the hell do they even bother waking up in the morning?"

Dark clouds loom over them that you get depressed on their behalf.
To others, they may see them as a WASTE of time, resources and space.
That's why when the company undergoes retrenchment or firing process,
It's no shocker they are the first ones to see the door.
And just like humans natural default;
They talk bad about their former employers
Or better yet their jobs.

When will people ever wake up to reality and FACE it?
Take the risk of walking out of their hell hole in order to satisfy their professional purpose?
I am still green in this corporate world but I have learnt a lot from it.
I have watched people be politically played.
I have watched people breakdown because they hate their jobs.
And I sit and wonder to myself:
"Why?"

I too have fallen victim to this.
I used to love my job until some factor was placed into my space.
I could wake up in the morning and refuse to show up at work;
I could be present physically but not mentally engaged.
I could hurl in my mouth each time i looked at my created problem.
I imagined sooo many things at the back of my mind...
But what VALUE did it add into my life?
NOTHING!!!

I had to have my own self realization.
I didn't hate my job;
I hated the factor that was placed into my space.
I hated the imbalance that was caused.
But it was an eye opener.
I didn't want to be the person who I was becoming.
Neither did I want to be like the factor that was placed into my space;
DESPERATE.

I realized my passion was slowly been hindered by my growing hatred towards something that didn't even ADD value into my life.
I let the minor attribute of annoyance get to the best of me.
What a waste of time and energy it was.
SWOP OF ATTITUDE CHECKED IN.

I started doing what I love.
I focused on my strengths rather than letting my anger be my focal point.
I didn't notice the changes myself till those surrounding me started pin pointing my oozing POSITIVITY.

We all have the ability to build and destroy ourselves.
 No one gives a rat's ass about you when you hit rock bottom,
But they focus on your recovery.
We all know the potential we have to get to our best.
So what's holding you back from getting there?

The most general mistake I have seen most people do is measure their success by MATERIALISM.
Who said to be successful means having a 6 figure balance at the end of the month in your account?
Or by the type of car you drive?
House you live in?
True SUCCESS comes from SELF FULFILLMENT.
How many of you can attest to that?
Take it upon yourself as a challenge to measure your own SUCCESS.
Is it driven by your PASSION or by MATERIALISM CRAVE?

Hmmmmm?